4th Trimester yarns part 1
Parents often have mixed feeling about the 4th trimester.
I recently did a poll on insatgram (we all know this isn’t a reliable resource) asking “Did you love the newborn days?”
25% voted, they did it was easy
50% voted, they did, it was hard
23% voted they didn’t love it, it was harder than expected
2% voted they didn’t love it, but it was easy
I feel like these percentages (whilst a small sample) provide a snapshot to the reality of the 4th trimester experience for parents. 73% of parents didn't find it easy! SEVENTY THREE percent, that might be relieving for some of you to read right?
The whole purpose of this platform and for Brain Under Construction as a company is to educate and empower parents.
Conversations like this one about the 4th trimester and how it feels different for some parents than it does for others are SO important. No two experiences are the same, it’s nice if we can discuss these things openly, without fear of judgement.
This fear of judgement swings both ways, I had friends who in some circles lied and said their baby didn’t sleep through the night because they felt like outsiders if they didn’t complain about sleepless nights. On the other hand, parents who are struggling need to be able to discuss this with fear of judgment or feeling like they are doing something wrong.
I am hoping by raising awareness to things like:
“It’s okay if you find the 4th trimester hard”
“It’s okay if you aren’t loving your current phase of parenting”
“It’s great if you find it easy, let’s celebrate that!”
This way we can start to create a culture where parents don’t feel like they are broken, doing something wrong, or having to hide their positive experiences. I am aware some people might not relate to any of the above, so if that is you, as you were. But if you can relate, read on!
Let’s create a culture where parents can ask for help BEFORE they hit rock bottom without resistance or judgement. A culture where we can celebrate those who love it and find it easy. A culture where we support each other, and needs are met.
I popped a question box up on Instagram and asked people to tell me what they wished they could say to their past selves while they were living the 4th trimester. The below bullet points are some of what got submitted.
As you read through these, keep in mind these have been written by people for themselves, they are things they wish they could tell their past selves, not all of them will resonate with you, take what resonates and leave the rest:
Just be in the moment, it won’t last forever, and you will miss these precious moments
It won’t be this hard forever, it is just a phase
Roll with the punches, it is only a phase
You are allowed to love it, let yourself THRIVE, lap it all up!
Be gentle with yourself, accept the many helping hands being offered and trust your instincts
I’m sorry you went through that
Don’t pressure yourself to breastfeed, you are not a failure if you find it difficult
Visitors can wait
Overwhelm is normal, relish in it (if you can)
Trust your instincts, you know your baby best
It passes before you know it
That newborn smile around 6 weeks is the BEST
Be kind to yourself, you are doing your best
Everything will get better. Relax and enjoy your time while you have it, also DON’T GOOGLE.
Stop saying yes to everyone wanting to visit and turn your phone off and indulge
The too shall pass….and for goodness sake just stay on your meds
Slow down. Go gently. Everything can wait
Accept help when offered
It doesn’t get easier, the hard just gets different. Accept the help and take a nap
Especially with baby #2 – you aren’t superwoman because you have done it before and are “experienced”, you need to prioritize rest so you can recover.
You are going to be okay
Say no to visitors! I was better at doing that with #1 than I was #2 which was weird
Take it slower
Relax, don’t worry about sitting all day with your baby sleeping on you
Sleep will come eventually
It is okay to be living in a different sized body
Avoid google, it isn’t helpful
Enjoy it
Make more freezer food and buy more snacks/drinks
It will get better
Relax, you are doing so well
Accept help for everything, you can’t do it by yourself
Pay for help if you can and don’t have support
Get the help you need, which might not be the help that is offered (eg. A friend might offer to come over and hold the baby, but you might need dinner dropped off and the house vacuumed)
Rest rest rest, and lower expectations
STOP
It sucks sometimes
It is the BEST thing ever sometimes
This brings me back to a mantra I have used throughout my parenting journey that I would like to share with you. It is a common phrase, but it sticks with me through thick and thin:
“The nights may seem long, but the years are short”. Sometimes I apply this to the days too. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE parenting, but sometimes it is a lot.
If any of this blog resonates with you, share it with someone who may need to read this right now.
Also, would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this blog!
Stay tuned for the next blog which will be 4th trimesters part 2 - factors that impact the 4th trimester experience for parents. Coming soon!
If you would like guidance on newborn sleep, settling, baby temperament, tummy time, motor development, eyesight development, hip & spine health, play ideas and more then click here to register interest for the up and coming HAPPY NEWBORN COURSE FOR PARENTS.